Mortified
by Russhka
Summary: What happens when Pein thinks he found his true love? And what is so oddly familiar about this young woman?
1. Chapter 1

She was a pretty young blond that seemed to appear out of nowhere. Her body alone was enough to drive a young man crazy; but her face...her face looked as if it were carved by the gods. Every little blink, every little smile, every time she walked just made Pein feel as if he were going to melt away. For once in his life, the all-powerful Akatsuki leader was in love. God had met his preferred angel… Or so he thought…

Earlier that day---  
---

For Pein, it was a day just like any other day, nothing much has happened over the past few weeks...well...nothing special that is. Sure a few of his members have died....but...what's the big deal? It's not like there's a shortage of super powerful rouge ninja out there who would give anything to be in the Akatsuki, right?  
Right.

What he wanted to know was why Itachi and Kisame were pestering him to go to a market place--the one just outside of Konoha. It was a truly ridiculous request, if he did say so himself. They of all people should know the dangers of leaving the Akatsuki base without a good reason. It is not like them at all to be so pushy...It's things like this that make him wonder what is going on inside of their tiny little minds. But whatever...Maybe it was for a good cause...and if not...well...how bad could it be?  
Before he left he decided to throw on a pair of somewhat normal looking clothes. Nothing to fancy, yet nothing that says "I'm a slob, and I don't care how I look when I go into public places." A purple polo shirt and a pair of jeans should do the trick.

As he headed out the door he could have sworn that he had heard the two of them snicker. He shot them an icy glance that could have froze the very depths of hell a thousand times over. That seemed to have put them in their place. But he had to admit now that he was a bit scared of what they were planning. He was even considering to call the whole thing off and punish the two of them for what they might have been planning. But maybe he was just being a bit paranoid.

He sighed and stepped out into the wilderness. Behind him Kisame slowly closed the door so that it made a long creaking noise just like in one of those horror movies. Pein soon then heard the click of the lock, and decided it was time to get moving. He can't say for sure that he knew what was going on, but he wasn't just about to let his two subordinates get the best of him. He would simply go to the place they insisted to go to and see what was there. If he didn't like what was going on he would simply go back to the base and punish those two for ever existing.  
Simple, no?

---

As Pein arrived at the market just outside of Konoha he quickly scanned the place for any enemies or traps. Nothing left…nothing right; he sighed. 'This is just going to be a big waste of my time' he thought, 'well…I'm already here…might as well try to enjoy it.' Thusly, he went off gallivanting into the great unknown. He was surprised to find out that a tiny place like this could hold such a variety of essentials and unneeded junk ranging from clothing, food, weapons, and toys for children. The people there were quite friendly as well; random men and women came up to him saying a quick 'hello' or commenting on his various piercings.

"Did it hurt?"

"Did what hurt?"

"Your face…"

"What about it?"

"Uhhhh…never mind…"

"…"

He could openly admit that he was not use to such things; to be honest, it felt quite awkward. Never once before did anyone give him a compliment on how he looked. 'Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to come here…' he grinned, 'those idiots actually did something good for a change'

However, anything that he may have been thinking at the moment suddenly ceased when he laid eyes on the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She had long, gleaming blond hair that was tied up into a high pony tail by a bight red hair tie; her bangs covered the left side of her face; he imagined that they would be quite a pain.

Her eyes were a dazzling light blue surrounded by a ridiculous amount of eye-liner...but that didn't matter. Her face was absolutely gorgeous either way...  
However, there was something oddly familiar about her. But that didn't matter...

He sighed and coughed uncomfortably when he realized the expression on his face; his mouth was agape and his eyes were wider then they had ever been. It probably looked like something had just suddenly come up and smacked him in the face.

He then moved to a dark, shadowy corer somewhere where she wouldn't be able to see him....but he could get a beautiful view of her. He just stood there in the shadows...debating if he should make a move or not; his heart pounding right out of his chest. He only had one shot at this....and if he messes it up....he might never be able to see her again.  
Mustering up all the courage he had, he took a deep breath and walked out of his shadowy shelter over towards her. There was no way she would be able to deny him. After all--he was God.

"Hi there," He smiled warmly, "What's your name?"


	2. Chapter 2

"M-my name?" What _was_ his name?

---  
Earlier that day-  
---

Deidara sat alone in his room working on a new bomb project when suddenly he felt this sharp pain whack him across the head. He was knocked out, dragged to a separate room, tied to a chair, blind folded and gagged. When he woke up, he heard a pair of voices softly speaking to him.

"Are you up?" One of them said.

"Of course he is!" said the other.

He recognized those voices immediately, '_Itachi! Kisame!' _he tried to yell, but the gag prevented him from doing so. They both snickered.

"Now listen to us, Deidara" said Itachi, "We're going to teach you this new jutsu. Learn it quickly and learn it well."

A new jutsu…? What on earth could they be planning?

"This new jutsu we're going to teach you is called the sexy jutsu" said Kisame.

…Sexy jutsu? What could they be possibly planning to do with such a vulgar sounding jutsu?

"Now your probably wondering what we're going to do with such a jutsu?" continued Itachi, "We're going to use it as pay back. Since you're the most feminine out of all of us we thought you would do well helping us with our revenge."

Most feminine…? Oh, how he loathed that weasel. Why should he help him?

"You're also probably wondering why you should help us with out plans. Well…Let me put it simply. If you should refuse to help us, I shall take the liberty of making your life a living hell, is that understood?"

Deidara nodded.

"Good."

"I'm going to untie you now," said Kisame, "Scream and we'll knock you out. Run and we'll catch you again."

He sat perfectly still as Kisame started to cut the ropes with a Kunai. As soon as he was free, Deidara took off the blind fold and gag. For a few minutes, he simply sat there glaring at Itachi.

"What's with that look? It's not like we're totally forcing you to go along with out plans."

"Not forcing me, un? What do you call all of this?"

"Silence! Not another word."

Deidara did as he was told.

"Now, as I said before, we're going to teach you this new jutsu called the sexy jutsu."

"And what exactly does this sexy jutsu do, un?"

Itachi smirked and evil smirk. "It will turn you into a woman, but not just any woman, the most beautiful woman on earth. It's not a permanent transformation, (No matter how much I wish it was) but it will do."

This is so wrong…But its better then being tortured, is it not?

"As soon as you have learned the jutsu and transformed, you will no longer be Deidara, but a completely different person. In other words, when you transform, I want you to forget everything about Deidara. This will make it all the more believable."

"But how am I supposed to do that, un?"

"We'll work on it. But first of all, I want you to stop saying "un" at the end of every sentence," Itachi started pacing, "It gives you away."

"Alright…So I have to become a different person, un….Errr…."

"That is the idea." Itachi said, letting Deidara's slip go.

"What do I do about a name?"

"Make one up."

---

Presently

---

'_Make a name up…'_

"My name is Chou…Hanako Chou."

Chou…Chou…That name fit her well. She was indeed a butterfly; the rarest, most beautiful butterfly of all.

"Hello there, Chou, Nice to meet you!" Pein said grinning. "Would you perhaps consider going out with me?"

Deidara blushed lightly, "We've only just met though…Aren't you rushing things a little?"

"D-does that bother you?" Pein stammered, not wanting to be rejected.

"Not at all, I kind of like guys like you. I suppose that means I'll have to go on a date with you."

Score one for Pein! He inwardly thanked God for this. (And by god he meant himself)

As for Deidara, he was surprised that Itachi's and Kisame's plan was actually working out so far. He didn't even expect to get passed phase one…And now he has to go on a date with his leader….His boss. A man he felt no feeling for. He was in for quite a long day….A long day indeed.


	3. Chapter 3

The date started off without a flaw. Pein took Deidara to a small dumpling bar with exceptionally good food; the waiter came around to their table asking them for what kind of drink they wanted. Pein decided to go with the standard sake, hoping that it would cover his slight (but constant) blush. Deidara's face was also flushed, not from embarrassment or sake, but from pure rage and resentment for that weasel; of course, he did a good job concealing his thoughts from the leader -- Pein was still completely unaware of what was going on behind his back. So that must have meant that he was doing his job correctly.

Maybe when this was over, he could go back to working on that bomb project that he was doing before he was rudely interrupted by those two…And maybe…just maybe…if he did an exceptionally good job…he could escape torture and return to his happy life without a single scratch.

He looked over at Pein to see him absentmindedly gawking at him. He had the sudden urge to punch him in the face, but realized that it would probably end badly. So, instead, he mustered up his sexiest voice he could possible to do, and said softly, "Is there something wrong?"

Pein blinked; his slight blush becoming darker by the second, "N-nothing." he stammered.

Deidara had to stifle a laugh, seeing his all powerful leader like this was a rare and humorous moment. Never in his wildest dreams had he ever imagined that he would be able to see this moment with his own eyes. Maybe this wasn't going to be so bad after all; at least he would have some good black-mailing material if not anything else. Then again….was leader ever to find out about who he was? What he was doing? Why he was doing this?

Well…only time could tell that.

The date proceeded just as planned, and after it was over, they both said their farewells and parted ways after Pein asked if they could get together again around the same time tomorrow. Deidara had to accept the offer or risk being tortured.

After Pein was long gone, he transformed back into his former self and headed back to the base.

**---  
At The Base  
****---**

Deidara sat through another long briefing from Itachi.

"Deidara, you are to gain his full trust…To do that, you must continue dating him for the next few weeks or so. I expect you to keep up the good work. Should there be a slip up, it will be dealt with in the harshest of ways." Said Itachi

Deidara nodded, _'The next few weeks, un? That's just wonderful…'_

"If you are clear on what you are supposed to do," Itachi continued. "You are free to go."

Deidara immediately stood up, went back to his room, and started to work on that new bomb project to get his mind off things. He was in for a really long week. Well…An upside to this was that he wouldn't have to pay for any food…


End file.
